Avoidance
"You can stay at my place."
"How about I meet you at that cafe you like?"
"The park is lovely this time of day."
"There's a new shop I think you'll love."
Aziraphale was starting to worry. Every time he tried to get Crowley to meet him at the book shop, he would make some kind of excuse to be anywhere else. No more coming to pick him up, it was always meeting somewhere. The Ritz or the park or anywhere that was actually quite a ways away from the bookshop. Sometimes he wouldn't even go within the vicinity of Soho. It had been going on like this for months.
"I'll meet you at the park, we can go from there." Crowley said on the phone.
"No." Aziraphale replied rather firmly.
"No? I thought you wanted to go..." Crowley sounded confused.
"I do want to go but I think that first you and I need to have a chat and it needs to happen in the bookshop." Aziraphale interrupted.
"I'd rather get a coffee at that little cafe down the street." Crowley was making excuses again.
"No." Aziraphale remained firm. "You either come into the bookshop or we're not going." There was silence on the other end of the line and Aziraphale thought for a moment that Crowley had actually hung up the phone. He had already pulled the receiver away from his ear when he heard something from Crowley's end.
"What was that?" He asked.
"I said fine." And this time Crowley really did hang up. Aziraphale didn't know what was going on. Crowley never had any problem spending time in the book shop. In fact, before everything happened that was where they spent most of their time together.
Crowley stood on the sidewalk across the street for a good half an hour just staring at the book shop. He knew that Aziraphale knew he was there. Not only because they could sense each others' presence but because he saw him look out the shop window. Crowley's hands were shoved deep into his pockets and he was tense. He hadn't been tense in a very long time. Not like this, anyway. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then crossed the street. Crowley didn't even bother to wait for traffic, everyone just seemed to stop and let him cross. He opened the shop door and stepped inside. Maybe if he stayed by the door he would be okay. If he had a quick exit, it would be fine.
"What do you want to talk about, angel?" Crowley asked from where he stood. His back was practically against the front door of the shop.
"I'm not talking to you right there, Crowley. Come inside properly, please." Aziraphale really was starting to worry. Crowley seemed to be ready to run out the door at any moment. He opened his mouth a few times and then shut it again.
"I...um...I mean....I....meh...." Crowley was making absolutely no sense at all. His brain just wasn't cooperating with his mouth. "I'm sorry. I can't do this." He then turned and was out the door, practically running across the street. He made it around the corner, out of sight of the building, before he finally stopped. He ducked into an alley and leaned forward with his hands on his knees, panting a bit. After a few moments, he stood up and leaned back against the wall. A little bit after that, Aziraphale came around the corner.
"Crowley, what has gotten into you?" There wasn't any anger or accusation in Aziraphale's tone, just pure concern.
"I can't go in there." Crowley was thankful for his sunglasses. He didn't want Aziraphale able to see his eyes at the moment.
"But why not? You've been in the shop thousands of times." Aziraphale moved over and put a hand on Crowley's arm.
"S'different now." Crowley said, looking down at the angel's hand on his arm and then back up at his face. He sighed a little and then slipped his sunglasses off, letting Aziraphale really look at him. Aziraphale almost gasped at the fear he saw on Crowley's face. And there was something else underneath. Was that sadness?
"How is it different?" Aziraphale asked gently, moving to stand a little closer to his friend. He put an arm around Crowley this time, holding him close. Crowley leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.
"I thought...." He cleared his throat when his voice started to crack. "I thought you died. The book shop was burning and I couldn't find you and....." He was shaking as he said it. "I can't go back in there. Not yet." When he'd been disguised as Aziraphale it had been a bit different.
"Crowley...." Aziraphale wasn't sure what to say. He moved a little and pulled Crowley into a tight hug, just holding onto him. Crowley rested his head on Aziraphale's shoulder and hugged back. "I'm here, Crowley. I'm fine. The book shop is fine. Nobody's going anywhere."
"I thought I lost my best friend." Crowley said against Aziraphale's neck, holding him a little tighter. His voice cracked again and he was afraid he was on the verge of crying. For Aziraphale it was a moment of revelation. That's what he'd meant at the pub. That's why he hadn't left. He didn't see a point in going on because he thought he'd lost Aziraphale.
"You didn't lose me, though, did you?" Aziraphale tried to smile. "I'm afraid you're quite stuck with me." He rubbed Crowley's back gently. Crowley just nodded and held onto him. "I'll meet you at your place from now on, alright? Then you don't have to worry about coming into the book shop until you're ready."
"Thank you." Crowley whispered. He cleared his throat again before standing up, though he still held onto Aziraphale. "Promise me." Crowley looked into Aziraphale's eyes. Aziraphale was quiet for a moment, searching the demon's face. He had a feeling that the request had nothing to do with their meeting place and everything to do with never leaving him. He reached up a hand and placed it gently on Crowley's cheek.
"I promise." Aziraphale said with all of the conviction he could muster because he did actually mean it. He was never going to leave Crowley again, no matter what. Crowley visibly relaxed and actually nuzzled Aziraphale's hand a bit before smiling at him.
"Do you still want to go?"
"I think, perhaps, we should get something to drink instead." Aziraphale replied. Crowley nodded and hooked his arm into Aziraphale's, leading him to the pub across the street.
"How about I meet you at that cafe you like?"
"The park is lovely this time of day."
"There's a new shop I think you'll love."
Aziraphale was starting to worry. Every time he tried to get Crowley to meet him at the book shop, he would make some kind of excuse to be anywhere else. No more coming to pick him up, it was always meeting somewhere. The Ritz or the park or anywhere that was actually quite a ways away from the bookshop. Sometimes he wouldn't even go within the vicinity of Soho. It had been going on like this for months.
"I'll meet you at the park, we can go from there." Crowley said on the phone.
"No." Aziraphale replied rather firmly.
"No? I thought you wanted to go..." Crowley sounded confused.
"I do want to go but I think that first you and I need to have a chat and it needs to happen in the bookshop." Aziraphale interrupted.
"I'd rather get a coffee at that little cafe down the street." Crowley was making excuses again.
"No." Aziraphale remained firm. "You either come into the bookshop or we're not going." There was silence on the other end of the line and Aziraphale thought for a moment that Crowley had actually hung up the phone. He had already pulled the receiver away from his ear when he heard something from Crowley's end.
"What was that?" He asked.
"I said fine." And this time Crowley really did hang up. Aziraphale didn't know what was going on. Crowley never had any problem spending time in the book shop. In fact, before everything happened that was where they spent most of their time together.
Crowley stood on the sidewalk across the street for a good half an hour just staring at the book shop. He knew that Aziraphale knew he was there. Not only because they could sense each others' presence but because he saw him look out the shop window. Crowley's hands were shoved deep into his pockets and he was tense. He hadn't been tense in a very long time. Not like this, anyway. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then crossed the street. Crowley didn't even bother to wait for traffic, everyone just seemed to stop and let him cross. He opened the shop door and stepped inside. Maybe if he stayed by the door he would be okay. If he had a quick exit, it would be fine.
"What do you want to talk about, angel?" Crowley asked from where he stood. His back was practically against the front door of the shop.
"I'm not talking to you right there, Crowley. Come inside properly, please." Aziraphale really was starting to worry. Crowley seemed to be ready to run out the door at any moment. He opened his mouth a few times and then shut it again.
"I...um...I mean....I....meh...." Crowley was making absolutely no sense at all. His brain just wasn't cooperating with his mouth. "I'm sorry. I can't do this." He then turned and was out the door, practically running across the street. He made it around the corner, out of sight of the building, before he finally stopped. He ducked into an alley and leaned forward with his hands on his knees, panting a bit. After a few moments, he stood up and leaned back against the wall. A little bit after that, Aziraphale came around the corner.
"Crowley, what has gotten into you?" There wasn't any anger or accusation in Aziraphale's tone, just pure concern.
"I can't go in there." Crowley was thankful for his sunglasses. He didn't want Aziraphale able to see his eyes at the moment.
"But why not? You've been in the shop thousands of times." Aziraphale moved over and put a hand on Crowley's arm.
"S'different now." Crowley said, looking down at the angel's hand on his arm and then back up at his face. He sighed a little and then slipped his sunglasses off, letting Aziraphale really look at him. Aziraphale almost gasped at the fear he saw on Crowley's face. And there was something else underneath. Was that sadness?
"How is it different?" Aziraphale asked gently, moving to stand a little closer to his friend. He put an arm around Crowley this time, holding him close. Crowley leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.
"I thought...." He cleared his throat when his voice started to crack. "I thought you died. The book shop was burning and I couldn't find you and....." He was shaking as he said it. "I can't go back in there. Not yet." When he'd been disguised as Aziraphale it had been a bit different.
"Crowley...." Aziraphale wasn't sure what to say. He moved a little and pulled Crowley into a tight hug, just holding onto him. Crowley rested his head on Aziraphale's shoulder and hugged back. "I'm here, Crowley. I'm fine. The book shop is fine. Nobody's going anywhere."
"I thought I lost my best friend." Crowley said against Aziraphale's neck, holding him a little tighter. His voice cracked again and he was afraid he was on the verge of crying. For Aziraphale it was a moment of revelation. That's what he'd meant at the pub. That's why he hadn't left. He didn't see a point in going on because he thought he'd lost Aziraphale.
"You didn't lose me, though, did you?" Aziraphale tried to smile. "I'm afraid you're quite stuck with me." He rubbed Crowley's back gently. Crowley just nodded and held onto him. "I'll meet you at your place from now on, alright? Then you don't have to worry about coming into the book shop until you're ready."
"Thank you." Crowley whispered. He cleared his throat again before standing up, though he still held onto Aziraphale. "Promise me." Crowley looked into Aziraphale's eyes. Aziraphale was quiet for a moment, searching the demon's face. He had a feeling that the request had nothing to do with their meeting place and everything to do with never leaving him. He reached up a hand and placed it gently on Crowley's cheek.
"I promise." Aziraphale said with all of the conviction he could muster because he did actually mean it. He was never going to leave Crowley again, no matter what. Crowley visibly relaxed and actually nuzzled Aziraphale's hand a bit before smiling at him.
"Do you still want to go?"
"I think, perhaps, we should get something to drink instead." Aziraphale replied. Crowley nodded and hooked his arm into Aziraphale's, leading him to the pub across the street.
Comments
Post a Comment