Family Part 3
Crowley took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her long, red hair was currently wet from a shower and she just stood there with a towel wrapped around her.
"Coffee, darling?" Aziraphale asked and he tried not to laugh when she jumped, letting out a little squeak.
"How are you so quiet?" Crowley asked, taking the mug of coffee and taking a sip before giving Aziraphale a kiss.
"Comes with being an angel, I suppose." Aziraphale said with a shrug after kissing back. "And....how are you feeling today?" He asked before sipping the cup of cocoa he'd made for himself.
"The same." Crowley shrugged and put the cup of coffee down on the counter before picking up her brush and slowly brushing her damp hair. "Exactly the same."
"Ah. Perhaps it's just bad...." Aziraphale started.
"Darling, please don't. I know you mean well but I really don't want to talk about it right now." To take a little of the sting out of her words, Crowley gave Aziraphale another quick kiss. "Is breakfast ready?"
"Any moment now." Aziraphale nodded. One more stolen kiss and then he was back downstairs to finish up cooking. Crowley just stared at herself in the mirror as she brushed her hair, sighing slightly.
In all of the many, many years since Crowley had sauntered vaguely downward there was one thing that hadn't changed. One habit that had been picked up in Heaven that had never been put down again. One thing that made Crowley different from every other demon and that one thing was praying. Even if God wasn't listening, Crowley still prayed whenever times got particularly hard.
After Crowley's hair was brushed and pretty much dried, and she'd gotten dressed in one of Aziraphale's shirts and a pair of leggings, she lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She folded her hands together over her stomach and just looked up for a long time.
"I know you probably don't want it to happen. The idea of a demon and an angel having a child. Or celestial beings have children at all. It's not what you made us for. And we're not on the best of terms, I get that. Averting the apocalypse and all that. If Gabriel and Beelzebub are right I'm very certain that you actually hate the two of us. Though I don't remember you being very big in the hate department. Love was more your thing, right?" She sighed and closed her eyes, her thumbs lightly stroking the material of the shirt she was wearing.
"Love is so amazingly important. It holds the world together. The love that people have for each other. The love that I have for Aziraphale. I bet you never thought in all the millennia that a demon could actually love. Especially an angel. But it's there. And I know that you can feel it. That you can see it. I love Aziraphale with everything that I am. I would go to the ends of the universe for him. I would happily die for him if it were necessary." Her voice started to shake a bit as she spoke. She opened her eyes and just kept them up at the ceiling. At the sky. She imagined that God was up there just looking down on everything and picking who she wanted to listen to. Which prayers she wanted to answer.
"Please, Lord. I am asking you. No, I am begging you." She cleared her throat. "We've been trying for months. And I know that humans quite often try for years before anything happens but we're not humans. Every night I go to bed hoping that I'll wake up and find out I'm pregnant and every morning I'm always disappointed." Crowley reached up and wiped a few tears from her eyes.
"If it is not in your plan, if our attempts to make a child together are going to be completely fruitless, then please tell me now. Give me some kind of sign that this is all an exercise in futility. Because the worst thing that you can ever give someone is false hope. And I thoroughly believe that while you have done some questionable things since the beginning of time, that you are not that cruel. Please. I just need to know if there is any point in us continuing to try." She wiped at her eyes again and rolled over onto her side. Crowley felt things a lot more deeply than she ever let on and sometimes it just got to be too much.
Aziraphale had been about to knock on the bedroom door when he'd heard his wife talking. At first he thought perhaps she was on the phone but then he really heard what was being said. He just stood there in the hall, listening to the conversation that Crowley was having with God and it broke his heart. Hearing her so desperate, so upset. He rested his forehead against the door frame and closed his eyes, sniffling a bit himself.
"Please, Lord, don't let her suffer anymore. Let her be happy. Please." The words were whispered before he turned and went back downstairs to keep their breakfast warm.
That night as they made love, not to make a baby but just as an expression of their love for each other, neither of them really noticed the bright white light that briefly surrounded them from above.
"Coffee, darling?" Aziraphale asked and he tried not to laugh when she jumped, letting out a little squeak.
"How are you so quiet?" Crowley asked, taking the mug of coffee and taking a sip before giving Aziraphale a kiss.
"Comes with being an angel, I suppose." Aziraphale said with a shrug after kissing back. "And....how are you feeling today?" He asked before sipping the cup of cocoa he'd made for himself.
"The same." Crowley shrugged and put the cup of coffee down on the counter before picking up her brush and slowly brushing her damp hair. "Exactly the same."
"Ah. Perhaps it's just bad...." Aziraphale started.
"Darling, please don't. I know you mean well but I really don't want to talk about it right now." To take a little of the sting out of her words, Crowley gave Aziraphale another quick kiss. "Is breakfast ready?"
"Any moment now." Aziraphale nodded. One more stolen kiss and then he was back downstairs to finish up cooking. Crowley just stared at herself in the mirror as she brushed her hair, sighing slightly.
In all of the many, many years since Crowley had sauntered vaguely downward there was one thing that hadn't changed. One habit that had been picked up in Heaven that had never been put down again. One thing that made Crowley different from every other demon and that one thing was praying. Even if God wasn't listening, Crowley still prayed whenever times got particularly hard.
After Crowley's hair was brushed and pretty much dried, and she'd gotten dressed in one of Aziraphale's shirts and a pair of leggings, she lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She folded her hands together over her stomach and just looked up for a long time.
"I know you probably don't want it to happen. The idea of a demon and an angel having a child. Or celestial beings have children at all. It's not what you made us for. And we're not on the best of terms, I get that. Averting the apocalypse and all that. If Gabriel and Beelzebub are right I'm very certain that you actually hate the two of us. Though I don't remember you being very big in the hate department. Love was more your thing, right?" She sighed and closed her eyes, her thumbs lightly stroking the material of the shirt she was wearing.
"Love is so amazingly important. It holds the world together. The love that people have for each other. The love that I have for Aziraphale. I bet you never thought in all the millennia that a demon could actually love. Especially an angel. But it's there. And I know that you can feel it. That you can see it. I love Aziraphale with everything that I am. I would go to the ends of the universe for him. I would happily die for him if it were necessary." Her voice started to shake a bit as she spoke. She opened her eyes and just kept them up at the ceiling. At the sky. She imagined that God was up there just looking down on everything and picking who she wanted to listen to. Which prayers she wanted to answer.
"Please, Lord. I am asking you. No, I am begging you." She cleared her throat. "We've been trying for months. And I know that humans quite often try for years before anything happens but we're not humans. Every night I go to bed hoping that I'll wake up and find out I'm pregnant and every morning I'm always disappointed." Crowley reached up and wiped a few tears from her eyes.
"If it is not in your plan, if our attempts to make a child together are going to be completely fruitless, then please tell me now. Give me some kind of sign that this is all an exercise in futility. Because the worst thing that you can ever give someone is false hope. And I thoroughly believe that while you have done some questionable things since the beginning of time, that you are not that cruel. Please. I just need to know if there is any point in us continuing to try." She wiped at her eyes again and rolled over onto her side. Crowley felt things a lot more deeply than she ever let on and sometimes it just got to be too much.
Aziraphale had been about to knock on the bedroom door when he'd heard his wife talking. At first he thought perhaps she was on the phone but then he really heard what was being said. He just stood there in the hall, listening to the conversation that Crowley was having with God and it broke his heart. Hearing her so desperate, so upset. He rested his forehead against the door frame and closed his eyes, sniffling a bit himself.
"Please, Lord, don't let her suffer anymore. Let her be happy. Please." The words were whispered before he turned and went back downstairs to keep their breakfast warm.
That night as they made love, not to make a baby but just as an expression of their love for each other, neither of them really noticed the bright white light that briefly surrounded them from above.
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