Family Part 17
Crowley was managing. That was the best way to describe what she was doing. She got through her days putting on a happy face and just letting everything think everything was okay. Aziraphale would take the kids to school and was even taking care of the housework while Crowley took care of Oscar. Sometimes Aziraphale would have errands to run and Deirdre would come over.
"Are you alright, dear?" Deirdre asked after Crowley came back from putting Oscar down for a nap. She sat down at the kitchen table and just stared at a spot that wasn't actually there for a long moment.
"I don't.....know." Crowley sighed heavily, picking at the table cloth.
"What is it?" Deirdre reached across the table and put a hand over Crowley's.
"I'm not sure. I just...." Crowley took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Everything feels off." She couldn't think of any other way to put it. Deirdre squeezed her hand gently.
"You want to be happy but something is stopping you and you don't know what?" Deirdre tilted her head a bit. "And the fact that you're not happy just makes you feel even worse because everybody else is?"
"Well, yes. Actually." Crowley blinked a few times and nodded. "That's pretty much it."
"Postpartum depression." Deirdre sighed a little. "It's actually quite common. And I'm by no means an expert so you should definitely see a doctor but that's what it sounds like." She nodded. Crowley was quiet for a long moment.
"I have an appointment tomorrow for a check up. I can say something then." Crowley moved her hand a bit so she could squeeze Deirdre's in return. "I'm not used to any of this. I'm not supposed to suffer from human conditions." She let out a humorless laugh.
"You're also not supposed to have children in the first place, darling. There's a lot of 'not supposed to' going around lately." Deirdre grinned and Crowley laughed a bit.
"You're very right about that." Crowley nodded.
"The first thing you need to do, though, is tell Aziraphale. Because I'm guessing that you've been hiding the way you're feeling from him." Deirdre raised an eyebrow and Crowley bit her lip.
"Perhaps, a little bit." Crowley wrinkled her nose.
"Just be honest with him. He can't help you if he doesn't know something is wrong." Deirdre patted Crowley's hand.
"You're right." Crowley sighed. She ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm just afraid that he's going to try to cheer me up." She made a face.
"Then tell him not to." Deirdre shrugged. "Aziraphale is a good man. He'll understand."
"I did get very lucky with him, didn't I?" Crowley smiled a little. She sighed softly when soft cooing noises came from the baby monitor. "He doesn't cry that much but he doesn't sleep, either. He'll just lay there talking to himself."
"That is a bit better than crying all the time." Deirdre offered a smile.
"That's very true." Crowley nodded. They spent some time drinking tea and talking before Deirdre had to leave to make sure that Arthur had dinner at what he considered to be an appropriate time. When Aziraphale got home, Crowley explained everything to him.
"I am truly sorry that you're feeling that way, my love." Aziraphale said as he pulled her into a hug. Crowley rested her head on her husband's shoulder. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?"
"This is helping more than you can know." Crowley sighed as she just relaxed against him. Just being held was doing a world of good.
"I do love you, you know?" Aziraphale kissed her shoulder softly as he started to gently rub her back.
"I know. And I love you, too. So very much. You and our children." Crowley smiled a little and just snuggled closer to Aziraphale. She was going to talk to the doctor at her visit and see what could be done to help other than being cuddled by her husband.
"Are you alright, dear?" Deirdre asked after Crowley came back from putting Oscar down for a nap. She sat down at the kitchen table and just stared at a spot that wasn't actually there for a long moment.
"I don't.....know." Crowley sighed heavily, picking at the table cloth.
"What is it?" Deirdre reached across the table and put a hand over Crowley's.
"I'm not sure. I just...." Crowley took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Everything feels off." She couldn't think of any other way to put it. Deirdre squeezed her hand gently.
"You want to be happy but something is stopping you and you don't know what?" Deirdre tilted her head a bit. "And the fact that you're not happy just makes you feel even worse because everybody else is?"
"Well, yes. Actually." Crowley blinked a few times and nodded. "That's pretty much it."
"Postpartum depression." Deirdre sighed a little. "It's actually quite common. And I'm by no means an expert so you should definitely see a doctor but that's what it sounds like." She nodded. Crowley was quiet for a long moment.
"I have an appointment tomorrow for a check up. I can say something then." Crowley moved her hand a bit so she could squeeze Deirdre's in return. "I'm not used to any of this. I'm not supposed to suffer from human conditions." She let out a humorless laugh.
"You're also not supposed to have children in the first place, darling. There's a lot of 'not supposed to' going around lately." Deirdre grinned and Crowley laughed a bit.
"You're very right about that." Crowley nodded.
"The first thing you need to do, though, is tell Aziraphale. Because I'm guessing that you've been hiding the way you're feeling from him." Deirdre raised an eyebrow and Crowley bit her lip.
"Perhaps, a little bit." Crowley wrinkled her nose.
"Just be honest with him. He can't help you if he doesn't know something is wrong." Deirdre patted Crowley's hand.
"You're right." Crowley sighed. She ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm just afraid that he's going to try to cheer me up." She made a face.
"Then tell him not to." Deirdre shrugged. "Aziraphale is a good man. He'll understand."
"I did get very lucky with him, didn't I?" Crowley smiled a little. She sighed softly when soft cooing noises came from the baby monitor. "He doesn't cry that much but he doesn't sleep, either. He'll just lay there talking to himself."
"That is a bit better than crying all the time." Deirdre offered a smile.
"That's very true." Crowley nodded. They spent some time drinking tea and talking before Deirdre had to leave to make sure that Arthur had dinner at what he considered to be an appropriate time. When Aziraphale got home, Crowley explained everything to him.
"I am truly sorry that you're feeling that way, my love." Aziraphale said as he pulled her into a hug. Crowley rested her head on her husband's shoulder. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?"
"This is helping more than you can know." Crowley sighed as she just relaxed against him. Just being held was doing a world of good.
"I do love you, you know?" Aziraphale kissed her shoulder softly as he started to gently rub her back.
"I know. And I love you, too. So very much. You and our children." Crowley smiled a little and just snuggled closer to Aziraphale. She was going to talk to the doctor at her visit and see what could be done to help other than being cuddled by her husband.
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