Family Part 24

 Crowley hadn't tried to talk them out of having the service at the church.  She knew that it was what Arthur wanted and was willing to do anything to help him feel at least a little better.  He had agreed to have a small reception at Jasmine Cottage after the service, though.  Crowley could very easily get that prepared while everyone else was at the church.  

"Why isn't mum here?"  Oscar asked his father as they were waiting for everyone to get seated.  The three children and Aziraphale were sitting near the front of the chapel, close to Arthur and Adam and his family.  Aziraphale had had to miracle up some new suits for the boys and Evan had a dark blue dress that seemed appropriate enough.  

"Your mother can't come in here."  Aziraphale said softly.  

"But why not?"  Oscar made sure to whisper so no one could over hear them unless they were being nosey.  Freddie was sitting on Oscar's other side and he leaned down to talk to his brother.  

"Mum's a demon, Oscar.  This is consecrated ground.  She can't be here because it hurts."  He offered a sad smile.  He knew how much his mother wanted to pay her respects.  

"Oh."  Oscar looked down at his folded hands in his lap.  "Is that why she's making the snacks?"  He looked at Aziraphale again.  

"That is absolutely the reason."  He nodded and reached up to pat his son on the shoulder.  Soon after the service started.  

Crowley tried to make sure that everything was perfect.  There were various finger foods as well as several different things to drink.  She even made sure to have egg and cress sandwiches.  They were Deirdre's favorite after all.  Standing in the middle of the living room she looked around and did one last check so that nothing was out of place.  

"I think you'd have loved this, dear."  She said softly to no one.  In her mind she was saying it to Deirdre.  Maybe God would hear her and pass along the message.  Since the reception was just waiting for the guests, she went into the kitchen and started to clean up a bit.  All there was to do now was wait.  

When the guests finally started to arrive, Crowley made sure that everyone was comfortable and had something if they wanted it.  She carried around a pitcher with water and offered coffee or tea to those that wanted it.  She noticed that Oscar was sitting in one of the corners playing with Adam's children.  It was amazing how resilient kids could be.  

"How are you doing, my dear?"  Aziraphale asked as he walked up to Crowley with a cup of cocoa in his hands.  That same angel wing mug that he'd had for practically centuries.  

"I'm perfectly fine."  Crowley lied easily, trying to keep her tone even.  

"Do you need anything?"  His tone was soft with a touch of concern.  It made Crowley melt a little bit.  He was so caring and helpful.  She wondered often what she did to deserve having Aziraphale in her life.  

"I need to check on Arthur."  She motioned over to where he was sitting by himself.  "Can you....."  She gave a general gesture to the room.  Aziraphale set his mug down on the nearest flat surface and took the pitcher from her, kissing her softly on the cheek.  

"Of course."  He nodded and gave her a smile.  

"I love you."  Crowley said, kissing his cheek one time before walking away.  As Aziraphale had predicted, she said it much more often than she had before.  

When Crowley walked over to Arthur he was muttering something to himself as he just stared into a cup of coffee.  

"What's that?"  She said softly as she moved closer.  

"Nothing..."  He shook his head.  He'd been trying very hard to keep a strong, stoic appearance but his eyes were bloodshot and he'd definitely at least come close to crying.  

"Arthur, please...."  Crowley said softly, putting a hand on his arm.  Arthur sighed heavily and looked at her.  

"I never should have gone on that trip....."  He started.  Crowley shook her head vigorously.  

"Don't you even think that, Arthur Young.  I will not let you blame yourself."  She patted his arm.  

"But if I had been home....."  He tried again.  Crowley leaned in closer to him, speaking softly.  

"Then you'd have been the one to find her dead in the morning, Arthur.  There was absolutely nothing that you being home could have done.  They're not even sure when it happened, they just know it happened in her sleep.  There is no sense in blaming yourself over something that was completely out of anyone's control."  She was almost angry as she said it.  "Now, you will stop blaming yourself or I will pinch in Deirdre's stead, do you hear me?"  

"That's much easier said than done."  Arthur replied.  

"Of that I am very well aware, but will you promise me to at least try?"  Crowley softened a bit this time.  She was suddenly feeling like she'd been a bit too harsh.  

"I can promise to try, yes."  Arthur nodded.  "Besides, I think Deirdre would have quite a few words about it if I didn't."  He chuckled softly and Crowley nodded as she smiled at the comment.  

"That's all I ask, Arthur."  She patted his arm again and then went back to making sure that everyone was okay.  

After everyone was gone and the house was once again cleaned up, Crowley made sure the kids were at least settled in their beds if not asleep before going to her own room.  Aziraphale was sitting up in bed reading a book as he always did.  His little glasses that he didn't actually need perched on his nose.  Crowley changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas that she'd found at a shop one day and then practically slithered into bed.  She snuggled up next to Aziraphale and put her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arm around his middle.  

"Everyone settled then?"  Aziraphale asked as he shifted a little to accommodate his suddenly clingy wife.  He didn't mind the snuggling at all and was happy to let her as much as she needed.  

"They're settled, yes.  I'm not sure if they're going to sleep any time soon."  She sighed softly.  They were both quiet for a moment.  

"Something on your mind?"  Aziraphale asked.  He could almost hear the thoughts moving around inside Crowley's head.  

"How are things with Oscar?"  She'd been afraid to ask and he hadn't brought anything up.  

"We had a talk after the service.  He's very grown up for someone so young."  Aziraphale closed the book and set it on the nightstand, wrapping his arms around Crowley.  

"Oh?"  She asked as she snuggled a little closer.  

"He said that he realized he was being very selfish, asking me to take messages back and forth to Heaven.  He's very sad about not getting to see his favorite auntie every day anymore, though.  Not getting to talk to her.  Apparently they were much closer than we realized."  Aziraphale let out a little sigh.  

"It's going to take a long time for him to actually be able to move on, isn't it?"  Crowley started to play with the button's on Aziraphale's pajama top.  

"I believe it is, yes."  Aziraphale nodded.  "But he doesn't have to deal with it alone so that helps."  He reached up and started to gently run his fingers through Crowley's hair.  It was always so soft and almost never had tangles.  "I'm afraid he's not the only one having a tough time of it."  

"Arthur keeps blaming himself."  Crowley nodded.  "I think he's going to go live with Adam after this.  So that he's not all alone in that house."  

"I'm not talking about Arthur, dear."  Aziraphale said.  Crowley lifted her head and Aziraphale looked at her with a raised eyebrow.  

"Me?  I...what?  No.  I'm fine."  Crowley cleared her throat.  "Absolutely fine."  

"You're a terrible liar, Crowley.  Especially when lying to me."  He put a hand on her cheek and gently stroked with his thumb.  "You don't have to pretend."  

"Really...it's not...."  Crowley had been holding everything in ever since she found Deirdre.  She hadn't told anyone but she'd had sudden flash backs to the fire in the bookshop.  She could hear herself saying "I lost my best friend" in that broken voice in the pub.  That's what Deirdre had become without Crowley even realizing it.  

"Crowley...."  Aziraphale could see the tears welling up in those yellow eyes.  

"I couldn't help her....."  Her voice broke as she said it.  She'd been so adamant that Arthur not blame himself and yet there she was, doing the exact same thing.  

"I know, my love."  Aziraphale pulled Crowley into a hug.  She rested her head on his shoulder and just held onto him.  

"I tried.....I tried to heal her.  It was.....I was too late.  She'd been gone for hours....I couldn't....."  As she talked, tears started to roll down her cheeks.  That was all it took to open the floodgates.  Aziraphale just held his wife as she sobbed, wishing for everything in the world that he could just miracle the pain away.  

"I'm so sorry, Crowley."  He rubbed her back gently and just let her cry.  After what seemed like an eternity she finally sat up and bit and wiped at her eyes.  

"I'm um.....I'll go get you a new shirt."  She sniffled and wiped at her eyes again.  As she started to get up, Aziraphale took her hand.  

"Don't worry about it, dear.  I'll get it.  You rest.  That had to have taken a bit out of you."  He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before starting to get out of bed himself.  Crowley nodded and lay back in bed while Aziraphale got changed.  "You shouldn't try to hold your feelings in, Crowley.  It's not good for you, really.  Much better to just let them out and work on processing them."  He said as he changed shirts.  It was one of the few times he didn't mind having to change his shirt because it got a bit dirty.  

"You'll see, love.  Tomorrow will be better already......"  He stopped as soon as he turned to the bed and saw Crowley curled up in a ball and sound asleep.  He'd never seen a human curl up the way Crowley did sometimes when she was particularly tired.  He assumed it had something to do with being a snake.  He gently climbed into bed and leaned down to kiss the top of her head before settling back in to read some more of his book.  He was absolutely convinced that tomorrow would definitely be better.